if A Tree Falls In The Forest...

You've heard the age old riddle: "If a tree falls in the forest, and there is no one around to hear it, does it make any noise?" Well, I was in the forest the other day, and I discovered the answer. The definitive answer. No need to argue: this is it.

Okay... I know what you're thinking: "If you were in the forest, and a tree fell, you'd hear it, so you can't really know the answer." Read on-- unbeliever.

We were hiking along, off the proverbial beaten path, when we found ourselves faced with a huge obstacle. My oldest son asked how we were going to cross the tree. I said that we had already crossed several such obstacles, this one was only slightly larger than the others. Being an eternal pessimist (I don't know where he gets it) he whined that this tree was too big.

It was not too big, I insisted. Besides, it wasn't a tree, it was a log.

"Look's like a tree to me," he stated.

"Trees are vertical, logs are horizontal," I corrected, as I climbed upon the log.

"Oh yeah," chimed his younger brother. "What if I take a log and stand it up on its end? Then what is it?"

"A telephone pole," I retorted.

Silence.

As I helped them upon the stump, I explained in more detail. "Everyone knows that Abe Lincoln lived in a log cabin. Everyone knows that a log cabin is a house made by stacking logs, horizontally, one on top of the other. Now, what do you all something that is built in one of these things that is still vertical?"

"A tree house," called the youngest child. He stomped upon the stump, as if to test is strength, then attempted to kick the bark off. Eventually he gave up, and decided to snap limbs off, instead. The older child surveyed the log and considered the paradox.

"No, this is a tree: It has limbs," he surmised.

"Those are sticks." (I'll admit he almost had me on that one, but I pride myself on my ability to consistently emerge victorious when engaging in a battle of wits with a twelve year old.)

"So, what's the difference between a stick and a limb?"

"A limb, or branch, is attached to a tree. A stick is not."

"Ah-- But, this is a tree!" he announced triumphantly.

"Your brother is holding something in his hand. What is it?" Brother dutifully held the object up for all to see.

"It's a stick," answered number one son.

"That's correct," I consoled. "He snapped it off this log. Now, if you are correct, and this is a tree, than that would have been a limb. Yet, when he snapped it off, it became a stick. So, at what point does it transition from a limb to a stick?"

Brother smacked the stick against the stump, sending twig fragments flinging through the air. "When you break it off, its a stick. Sticks are dead; limbs aren't," he observed.

"And the same is true of logs," I offered. All logs are dead. When a tree dies, it falls over. Just as a limb becomes a stick the minute it snaps off a living, healthy, tree, a tree becomes a log, as soon as it falls."

"Consider the lumberjack. It is his job to fell trees. He does this by cutting them down. Once the tree begins to fall, the lumberjack yells: Timber! That is because the tree is no longer a tree: it is raw wood that is soon to be cut into boards and planks."

It was at this point that he understood. "So... a tree never hits the ground."

"You got it."

It was at that point that I understood. If a tree never hits the ground. Then it can't make any sound; and it doesn't matter if anyone is there or not. If you are there when a tree falls, it still doesn't make any sound.

Now, I know you think you've heard trees make noise as they fall, but (as I will prove) you have not.

When a person is mortally wounded, they will sometimes scream out in pain. When the person dies, however, the screaming stops. Trees are the opposite. If the wind blows against a tree, it may be in pain, but is doesn't scream. If the wind blows hard enough to snap a limb off, you hear a pop, the limb dies, and falls to the ground.

There are some that are prepared to debate the point at which a person is actually dead, but we can all pretty much agree that as long as they are screaming, they are not dead. For the limb, the popping sound signifies the point of death, because there is no way the limb will survive once separated from the tree.

Once the tree is cut, it begins to fall. As it tilts toward a fall, you will hear the wood fibers connecting the top to the bottom break apart. It is possible to cut a tree so the it makes no noise, however, by building a structure around the tree that will prevent it from either tilting or lowing. Such a structure would allow all wood material to be removed from between the top and bottom. Once the structure was removed, the tree would begin to fall.

If the tree is in a forest, the limbs make contact with the limbs of surrounding trees. This causes limbs to snap off and become sticks. This transition from limb to stick causes a snapping sound. Hundreds of limb-to-stick transitions happening virtually simultaneously create a thunderous roar. Again, the tree is still not making any noise-- it is the sticks that are making noise.

Of course there will be an impact, which will rumble the earth. In the case of a large tree, the impact may be felt for hundreds of yards, and heard for miles around. It is not the tree that made the impact, however, it is the log.

So, at precisely what point does a tree become a log? Simple: at the point that the tree tilts sufficiently that it will not recover, it becomes a log. As such, a tree will never fall, only a log.

This means that the riddle is actually laden with several erroneous details: "If a tree falls in the forest, and there is no one around to hear it, does it make any noise?"

What if the riddle were: "If a large tree stands alone in a vast prairie, and it falls, but no one is around, does it make any noise?" Obviously, this is the same riddle. As such, the interjected fact that the tree is in a forest is irrelevant.

With our above proof, we have also shown that the presence of a human being is also irrelevant. This is because no tree ever falls. Logs fall.

So, there you have it. The answer is:

"No."